(they say the darndest things sometimes, don't they?)

Perhaps difficult enough for adults to define, this question received some interesting responses from those of a younger generation...

What Exactly Is Marriage??

"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents" -Eric, AGE 6

"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.'  Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out." -Anita, AGE 9

How Does a Person Decide Whom To Marry??

"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one." -Kelly, AGE 9

"My mother says to look for a man who is kind....That's what I'll do....I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." -Carolyn, AGE 8

Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married

"Eighty-four Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." -Carolyn, AGE 8

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife" -Bert, AGE 5

How Did Your Mom and Dad Meet??

"They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down...It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values." -Lottie, AGE 9

"My father was doing some strange chores for my mother.  They won't tell me what kind." -Jeremy, AGE 8

What Do Most People Do on a Date??

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." -Martin, AGE 10

"Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love." -Craig, AGE 9

When Is It Okay to Kiss Someone??

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." -Allan, AGE 10

"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you....If nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." -Kally, AGE 9

The Great Debate: Is It Better to Be Single or Married??

"You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan" -Kirsten, AGE 10

"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys.  Boys need somebody to clean up after them" -Anita, AGE 9

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." -Will,  AGE 7

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     On a special Teachers' Day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
     The florist's son handed her a gift.  She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is, some flowers."
     "That's right," the boy said, "but how did you know?"
     "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
     The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter.  The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it and said, "I bet I can guess what it is, a box of candy."
     "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.
     "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
     The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner.   The teacher held it overhead, but it was leaking.  She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.  "Is it wine?" she asked.
     "No," the boy replied.
     The teacher repeated the process, touching another drop of the leakage to her tongue.  "Is it champagne?" she asked.
     "No," the boy answered.
     Once again the teacher tasted the leakage, and finally said, "I  give up, what is it?"
     The boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

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Kids Say The Darnest Things!

Some grade school teachers must agree with that, because they keep journals of amusing things their students have written in papers. Here are a few examples:

- The future of "I give" is "I take."

- The parts of speech are lungs and air.

- The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.

- A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.

- (Define H2O and CO2.)  H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.

- A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.

- The general direction of the Alps is straight up.

- A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator.

- Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.

- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.

- The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.

- We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.

- One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

- A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.

- One by-product of raising cattle is calves.

- To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat.

- The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

- The climate is hottest next to the Creator.

- Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings.

- The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

- Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.

- The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.

- In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.

- Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.

- In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.

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Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University.  It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale.  The following dialog ensued:

Proctor: I beg your pardon?

Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale.

Proctor: Sorry, no.

Student: Sir, I really must insist.  I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale.

At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section which read (rough translation from the Latin):

"Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require Cakes and Ale".

Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his examination and happily slurping away.

Three weeks later the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination.

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Kids Finishing Sayings

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest:

Better Be Safe Than... Punch A 5th Grader.

It's Always Darkest Before... Daylight Savings Time.

Strike While The... Bug Is Close.

Never Under Estimate The Power Of... Termites.

You Can Lead A Horse To Water But... How?

Don't Bite The Hand That... Looks Dirty.

No News Is... Impossible.

A Miss Is As Good As A... Mr.

You Can't Teach An Old Dog New... Math.

If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You'll... Stink In The Morning.

Love All, Trust.. Me

The Pen Is Mightier Than The... Pigs.

An Idle Mind Is... The Best Way To Relax.

Where There's Smoke, There's... Pollution.

Happy The Bride Who... Gets All The Presents!

A Penny Saved Is... Not Much.

Two's Company, Three's... The Musketeers.

Don't Put Off Tomorrow What... You Put On To Go To Bed.

Laugh And The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry And... You Have To Blow Your Nose.

Children Should Be Seen And Not... Spanked Or Grounded.

If At First You Don't Succeed... Get New Batteries.

You Get Out Of Something What You... See Pictured On The Box.

When The Blind Leadeth The Blind... Get Out Of The Way.

There Is No Fool Like... Aunt Edie.

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I Can Do The Work !!!

     A four-year-old boy went to school with his mother and his six-year-old sister so the mother could enroll the girl in first grade.  Though told to wait on the bench in the hall, the boy went into the kindergarten room as soon as his mother and sister left.
    The kindergarten teacher saw the boy and asked how old he was.  He replied, "Four, but I can do the work!"  Puzzled, the teacher asked several other questions, which the boy answered correctly and to which he always ended his response with, "but I can do the work!"
     Finally the teacher took the boy to the principal's office.   She introduced the boy who, when asked by the principal why he was in the kindergarten class, responded, "I'm only four, but I want to be in school, and I can do the work!"
    The teacher asked what to do.  The principal suggested a brief quiz to see whether the boy could actually do the work.
     The first question the teacher asked was, "How much is ten times ten?"
     The boy instantly replied, "One hundred, and I can do the work!"
     The teacher then asked, "What does a cow have four of that I have two of?"
     The boy responded instantly, "Feet.  And I can do the work!"
     The teacher then asked, "What does the principal have in his pants that I don't have in my pants?"
     The boy responded instantly, "Pockets.  And I can do the work!"
     The teacher then asked the principal what she should do.
     The principal blushed and responded, "You'd better admit him...he sure CAN do the work!  I'd have missed two of those questions!"

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     A six year old comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his hair.  "Don't be angry," his mother says.  "Your little sister doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts."
     A short while later, there's more crying, and the mother goes to investigate.  This time the sister is bawling.  Her brother folds his arms across his chest, and smugly tells his mother, "Now she knows!"





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