(need we say more??)
A blonde woman is driving along a country road out in the rolling hills of the Midwest, when she sees some movement off in the distance. As she gets closer, she realizes that another blonde woman is in a rowboat in the middle of a field, rowing the boat like crazy!
She stops her car at the side of the road and gets out. "What the hell are you doing?" she yells to the blonde in the rowboat.
The blonde in the boat, obviously flustered, yells back, "I've got to hurry up and get home in time for dinner, or I'll be in real trouble!"
The blonde at the side of the road is aggravated. "I can't believe this! You're out in the middle of a field in a rowboat! It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name! In fact, if I could swim, I'd swim out there and kick your butt!"
We blonds at the ofise are tired of all the dum stoopid jokes about us, We think this is hairassment. It causes us grate stress and makes our roots turn dark. We have hired a loyer and he is talking to the loyers at Clairol. We will take this all the way to the supream cort if we have two. Juj Thomas knos all about hairassment and he will be on are side.
We have also talked to the govner to make a new law to stop this pursicushun. We want a law that makes peepol tell brewnet jokes as much as blond jokes and every so often a red head joke. If we don't get our way we will not date anybody that ain't blond and we will make up jokes about you and we will laff.
Sined by the blonds at the ofise
(sine with a penseel so you can erace it if you make a mestake)
A brunette goes to the doctor. As she touches each part of her body with her finger, she says, "Doctor, it hurts everywhere! My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, even my head hurts!"
The doctor asks, "Were you ever a blonde?"
"Yes, I was," she replies. "Why do you ask?"
The doctor answers, "Because your finger is broken!"
A blonde had a near death experience the other day when she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hold on, but was thrown off. With her foot caught in the stirrup, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce on the ground, as the horse did not stop or even slow down.
Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager came out and unplugged it.
Thank goodness for heroes.
Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.
Two blondes were trying to unlock their car with a coat hanger. After about an hour, one blonde said to the other blonde: "Hurry up, It's going to rain any minute now and the top is down."
DESCRIPTIONS OF SOME BLONDES YOU MAY KNOW:
- Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
- Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
- A room temperature IQ.
- Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold them together.
- A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.
- A prime candidate for natural deselection.
- Bright as Alaska in December.
AND A FEW MORE:
- One-celled organisms out-score her in IQ tests.
- Donated her body to scientists--before she was done using it.
- During evolution, her ancestors were in the control group.
- Fell out of the family tree.
- Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
- Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
- She's so dense, light bends around her.
- If brains were taxed, she'd get a rebate.
- If she were any more stupid, she'd have to be watered twice a week.
AND STILL MORE:
- If you give her a penny for her thoughts, you'll get change back.
- If you stand close enough to her, you can hear the ocean.
- It's hard to believe that she beat out 100,000 other sperm.
- One neuron short of a synapse.
- Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but she just gargled.
- Takes her 1½ hours to watch "60 Minutes."
- Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
Why did the blonde snort NutraSweet?
She thought it was diet coke.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
What is the mating call of a blonde?
"I'm soooooo drunk!"
What do a blonde and a computer have in common?
Both are always going down on you.
How does a blonde turn out the lights after having sex?
She closes the car door.
What do a smart blonde and a UFO have in common?
You're always hearing about them, but you never actually see one.
What did the blonde say when ask if she'd been picked up by the fuzz?
"No...but I have been swung around by the tits."
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Oh, look! Doughnut seeds!"
What do you call a blonde who's dyed her hair brunette?
Why was the blonde upset with her SAT scores?
Because there was an F in sex.
What do you call a skeleton in a closet?
The 1983 Blonde Hide and Seek Champion.
What does a blonde put between her ears to attract men?
What do you call three blondes in a freezer?
What do you get when you cross a blonde and a pit bull?
Your last blow job...ever!
36 POLITICALLY CORRECT WAYS TO SAY THAT A BLONDE IS STUPID
- A few clowns short of a circus.
- A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
- An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
- A few beers short of a six-pack.
- Dumber than a box of hair.
- A few peas short of a casserole.
- Doesn't have all of her cornflakes in one box.
- The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
- One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
- One taco short of a combination plate.
- A few feathers short of a whole duck.
- All foam, no beer.
- The cheese slid off her cracker.
- Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
- Has an IQ of 2, but it takes three to talk.
- Warning: Objects in the mirror are dumber than they appear.
- Couldn't pour water out of a shoe with instructions on the heel.
- She fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
- An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
- As smart as bait.
- Chimney's clogged.
- Doesn't have all her dogs on one leash.
- Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
- Forgot to pay her brain bill.
- Her sewing machine's out of thread.
- Her antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
- Her belt doesn't go through all the loops.
- If she had another brain, it would be lonely.
- Missing a few buttons on her remote control.
- No grain in the silo.
- Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
- Receiver is off the hook.
- Several nuts short of a full pouch.
- Skylight leaks a little.
- Her perm's kinked a little too tight.
- Surfing in Nebraska.
- Too much yardage between the goal posts.
- In the pinball game of life, her flippers are a little farther apart than most.